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Post by dropduff on Jul 17, 2013 9:42:32 GMT -5
I'm starting a thread for prospective ALJs who still have children at home. The stress if handling the multiple uncertainties in this process is magnified, I think, when you are also juggling the needs of other family members, particularly school aged children. I'm hoping that this thread will create a forum for those who are similarly situated to share concerns and strategies.
I'm a mother with a son in college and two daughters aged 8 and 13. I live in a highly desirable location so I am assuming that success will mean at least one and probably two moves before we reach a final landing place. I'm curious about what others in this situation have done or are planning to do. My husband is happy to move and could probably transfer in his job, but wouldn't want to move twice. He would probably stay behind for the first move and then join us once I transfer out of the initial assignment. My initial thought is that I would take the girls with me. I realize that this means changing schools, friends, etc. twice, which gives me some pause. On the other hand, we have met plenty of military families who move every two years or so and those children seem to do well with the changes. I do realize that all of this thinking is still very premature, but my sense is that we will have a long period of waiting followed by a very short time for a decision. So, I thought I'd start the conversation while we wait...
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Post by moopigsdad on Jul 17, 2013 9:58:59 GMT -5
While I don't have children dropduff I have a wife and an English bulldog who I would have to leave behind to take a position outside of my home state. My dog is like my child. (I chose a wide GAL) My wife can't leave her job because of the years she has in it and the fact she still has a pension through her job. I couldn't in good conscience expect her to give up her job and pension. Hence, she would have to stay here and I might have to move 2000 miles away. I don't like that thought either, especially since there is no guarantee once you take an assignment that you can move elsewhere for quite some time and that is only if an opening arises. I am racking my brain as to how to handle the situation, too. I do appreciate the post. I know you are in an even more precarious situation with your children. If I was single it would be no problem, but being married it can become an issue. I can only hope I can acquire a position (if I am lucky enough to do so) close to home.  |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2013 10:32:54 GMT -5
I moved a lot while in the military, four moves in seven years to be exact and for me it was a double edged sword. The kids got to experience different parts of the country/world and got to travel but it came at a cost. My first move included my daughter who was a rising HS junior at the time. She was miserable and made us miserable and in the end went her back to our home state so she could do her senior year and graduate with her friends (not cheap sending her back and paying living expenses for a 17 year old at the time). The younger two were able to make new friends when they changed schools and seemed to be OK with the moving but as time as gone by (they are now in college) they have complained about the moving and how they never had roots or long term friends that they have been able to stay in touch with. There are few things in life that I wish I could do over, I can count them all using one hand and not moving my kids around the way I did is one. All my kids are now out of the house so I do not have the issue now. Also, having one parent out of the house can also cause difficulties so consider that too. You can always get to move, get a job or travel at a later time. You only get one chance to spend time with your children when they are young, once each day goes by it is gone and nothing you do when they are older will make up for any time lost--I tell you this from personal experience. Everyone's situation is different and you have to make your own choices but knowing what I know now, I would not move more than once and I would not move without my family. Find out where you are going to be assigned and make your decision then, you might get an assignment where you can move your family only once and stay together as a family unit.
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rayne
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Post by rayne on Jul 17, 2013 10:38:04 GMT -5
I have two boys, ages six and nine. My wife has a secure position with a health care provider in our region (southern California). However, both of us are willing and eager to relocate out of Southern California...so I selected a wide open GAL (with a few exceptions). Although we'd move to most areas, I'm hoping that we won't have to relocate to extremes on a month's notice...say to Billings, Montana in February.... Our boys are still young and hopefully will adapt quickly to any changes.
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Post by Gaidin on Jul 17, 2013 10:38:22 GMT -5
Mrs. Gaidin and I have a 10 year old and we chose a very wide GAL (although I wish I had made it wider). I am very concerned about the move. Mrs. Gaidin can probably find work wherever we relocate and the ALJ salary is a substantial bump up for me individually. So she is probably going to move with our son when I do or possibly at the end of a school year depending on the situation. I worry about what the time away from both of them would mean. Luckily she has family near where we are now so she would have a support system but I worry about it quite a bit. I also worry about things like finding a place with good schools. I am hopeful that if I am lucky enough to get an ALJ job that people on the board might be able to give some advice about neighborhoods, schools....
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Post by christina on Jul 17, 2013 10:51:53 GMT -5
I will write more later, probably this weekend. You raise great concerns and issues I have grappled with too. wonderful feedback that u have gotten so far from others.
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Post by counsel on Jul 17, 2013 11:13:03 GMT -5
Every family is different and you need to figure out what work works best for you. If it helps, there are other ALJs with children and there seem to be more with each hiring. Generally, younger children are thought to do better with moves. Once they are in middle and high school, the separation from friends is more difficult. Some ALJs have moved their children while others have moved on their own. There is some flexibility in the hours, for example, working 10 hour days so you have 3 day weekends to go home, etc. As has been discussed, obtaining a transfer can be tricky and you should not count on moving back home quickly. Definitely not easy choices.
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rayne
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Post by rayne on Jul 17, 2013 11:26:15 GMT -5
Please do not take this the wrong way. This is where "sucking it up" comes in. Apparently being an ALJ is a job a lot of intelligent people want. There may be a discussion forum on the internet called rottingseptictankprofessiondiscussion.com, or wormfarmerhopefuls.com, but I don't know. But if you want it bad enough all of the things like moving and getting the right office and chair and being close to sick mothers will work themselves out. But make sure you strenuously voice these concerns in the interview. Devil Dog....I hope many follow your sound advice. |
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Post by moopigsdad on Jul 17, 2013 11:28:38 GMT -5
My daughter is not yet school aged (although she might be by the time I'm lucky enough to get hired), so she's more portable, but I'm not keen on the idea of moving away from our extended families. She adores her grandparents, and they are a huge help when my husband and I need to work late, or when something comes up, etc. I selected a wide GAL anyway and am banking on the fact that I could get a transfer back home since I imagine most people wouldn't be thrilled to come here (I'm in the Deep South). Of course, I can only hope I get far enough to worry about any of this. Moopigsdad, I also have an English Bulldog who is very old and has moved a lot with me over the years. I'm sure she'd appreciate staying put  Thanks bulldog. My English Bulldog is 10 1/2 years old and she couldn't take the moving. I have had her since a puppy. I know that you understand how special bulldogs are to their owners. I hope I can just get close to home with an ALJ position if I am picked. I know this isn't always possible, so I will have to cross that bridge when I come to it. Just too much worrying and anxiety along the way. Good luck bulldog! |
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Post by moopigsdad on Jul 17, 2013 11:35:52 GMT -5
Please do not take this the wrong way. This is where "sucking it up" comes in. Apparently being an ALJ is a job a lot of intelligent people want. There may be a discussion forum on the internet called rottingseptictankprofessiondiscussion.com, or wormfarmerhopefuls.com, but I don't know. But if you want it bad enough all of the things like moving and getting the right office and chair and being close to sick mothers will work themselves out. But make sure you strenuously voice these concerns in the interview. Devil Dog....I hope many follow your sound advice. I can clearly see the compassion exuding from both devildog and rayne, which should make them great ALJs (NOT) who understand clients with numerable medical issues. If you can't show understanding and compassion, then you should be looking for a job position other than as an ALJ. |
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Post by jigjigjig on Jul 17, 2013 11:51:51 GMT -5
Dropduff, thanks for bringing up the topic! I was curious how you know what a highly desirable location is? Are there statistics on where candidates select as their GALs?
I have two young kids and believe I'm probably in a highly desirable location too. My husband is not willing to move so for now, I limited my GAL to an extremely small area. I realize this gives me almost no chance at getting an ALJ position. I am hoping that this round, I learn about the process and in the future, when OPM opens for Applications again, I can apply with an expanded GAL and score well.
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Post by dropduff on Jul 17, 2013 11:53:02 GMT -5
Thank you to everyone who has responded to this post. I appreciate the insights and it is good to hear from others (including the parents of fur kids) who are grappling with these issues.
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Post by dropduff on Jul 17, 2013 11:59:23 GMT -5
Dropduff, thanks for bringing up the topic! I was curious how you know what a highly desirable location is? Are there statistics on where candidates select as their GALs? I have two young kids and believe I'm probably in a highly desirable location too. My husband is not willing to move so for now, I limited my GAL to an extremely small area. I realize this gives me almost no chance at getting an ALJ position. I am hoping that this round, I learn about the process and in the future, when OPM opens for Applications again, I can apply with an expanded GAL and score well. Thanks g! I live Florida. I have read other posts on this board that indicate that Florida, California, and the Pacific Northwest are all considered highly desirable. I have a wide GAL, but I'm probably going to narrow it at some point. Sounds like you have a great attitude and are in it for the long haul. Good luck to you! |
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Post by gunner on Jul 17, 2013 12:05:27 GMT -5
What's the right way to take, "If you want it bad enough you'll suck it up"?
Personally, I limited my geographic area to DC, Maryland, and Virginia. If I can't get on a cert. from this area so be it. My life is too invested here, and the main part is my kids (and a unique school situation that would be hard or impossible to replicate elsewhere). But I can see how others might have more difficult decisions to make, and might want to share their thoughts with one another.
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Post by funkyodar on Jul 17, 2013 12:27:29 GMT -5
I have a lovely wife and 3 elementary school age funklings. It will suck to move them away from friends and we love our house, so I would prefer staying where I am. But, I was an army brat and feel that my childhood was made more interesting by seeing different parts of the world and meeting new people. I now have friends all over and, in fact, I get a little itchy to move after being anywhere for more than 3 or 4 years. We've been in this town for the last 6 years and, with the wife's job as a nurse being one she can surely find anywhere, we wont balk at moving most anywhere.
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Post by moopigsdad on Jul 17, 2013 12:33:58 GMT -5
I have a lovely wife and 3 elementary school age funklings. It will suck to move them away from friends and we love our house, so I would prefer staying where I am. But, I was an army brat and feel that my childhood was made more interesting by seeing different parts of the world and meeting new people. I now have friends all over and, in fact, I get a little itchy to move after being anywhere for more than 3 or 4 years. We've been in this town for the last 6 years and, with the wife's job as a nurse being one she can surely find anywhere, we wont balk at moving most anywhere. Anchorage, Alaska funky??? Nice in the summer, but not so nice in the winter. |
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Post by hopefalj on Jul 17, 2013 12:39:46 GMT -5
What's the right way to take, "If you want it bad enough you'll suck it up"? Personally, I limited my geographic area to DC, Maryland, and Virginia. If I can't get on a cert. from this area so be it. My life is too invested here, and the main part is my kids (and a unique school situation that would be hard or impossible to replicate elsewhere). But I can see how others might have more difficult decisions to make, and might want to share their thoughts with one another. It probably could have been worded less bluntly, but he has a point. If the job is a high enough priority for you, then you'll make it work. If not, then you can turn it down. I don't believe he was saying there is anything wrong with choosing familial stability over an ALJ position in Toledo or Topeka, and the decision to relocate is certainly easier for some. |
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Post by moopigsdad on Jul 17, 2013 12:44:51 GMT -5
What's the right way to take, "If you want it bad enough you'll suck it up"? Personally, I limited my geographic area to DC, Maryland, and Virginia. If I can't get on a cert. from this area so be it. My life is too invested here, and the main part is my kids (and a unique school situation that would be hard or impossible to replicate elsewhere). But I can see how others might have more difficult decisions to make, and might want to share their thoughts with one another. It probably could have been worded less bluntly, but he has a point. If the job is a high enough priority for you, then you'll make it work. If not, then you can turn it down. I don't believe he was saying there is anything wrong with choosing familial stability over an ALJ position in Toledo or Topeka, and the decision to relocate is certainly easier for some. hopefalj you are correct that the decision is much easier for some than other to relocate. I would think devildog and rayne are single or have no children making a possible move much easier than many others on this Board. As you know, what you say and how you say is very important as an ALJ. Avoidance of inflammatory language is probably best. It wasn't just the comment about "sucking it up", but the comments following that sentence that were almost as bad. |
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Post by moopigsdad on Jul 17, 2013 13:07:29 GMT -5
No. Happily married with children. moopigsdad, you have peered into my soul based on one comment. And so I think you would make an excellent ALJ. No problems making any quotas if you can come to a dispositive conclusion that quickly. But don't put much weight in my opinion, because I do not claim any expertise in evaluating potential judges. Incidentally, if there are displacement or projection issues I am here for you.  |
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Post by funkyodar on Jul 17, 2013 13:20:58 GMT -5
I have a lovely wife and 3 elementary school age funklings. It will suck to move them away from friends and we love our house, so I would prefer staying where I am. But, I was an army brat and feel that my childhood was made more interesting by seeing different parts of the world and meeting new people. I now have friends all over and, in fact, I get a little itchy to move after being anywhere for more than 3 or 4 years. We've been in this town for the last 6 years and, with the wife's job as a nurse being one she can surely find anywhere, we wont balk at moving most anywhere. Anchorage, Alaska funky??? Nice in the summer, but not so nice in the winter. Funny you should mention Anchorage, MPD. That's the one the wife mentioned as a "wouldn't go there" place. But then we talked it through and decided it might actually be pretty neat. Surely better than east LA, Detroit or Fargo (actually spent a few days in Fargo once as a hostage to the weather). |
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