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Post by counsel on Jul 22, 2013 13:07:06 GMT -5
I have been an ALJ for over a year. When i got the offer, my son was 18 and living at home. My daughter was in middle school. My husband is retired. I took an offer half-way across the country from where i lived and left my hubby and kids home. The job allows you to work credit hours and I was able to take at least 1 week off a month and come home. However, the job is intense and momentum-based, and my "numbers" suffered for it, which increased my stress level big time. I was eventually able to transfer home recently, but most of my colleagues are still in transfer "limbo". Would I do this again? NO. Was it worth the stress I put on my marriage & kids? NO. Was the job worth it?? NO. (I am still trying to convince myself I made the right decision on that point). This was a learning experience for all of of us, but not exactly a positive one. Be careful for what you wish for. And remember, your FAMILY COMES FIRST. If you remember this, you will have NO regrets. We are still trying to heal from this awful year. I probably felt this way my second year in, too. It took me about a year to reunite with my family and about a year for all of us to recover. I had not anticipated how challenging it would be to be together again. But now I have been an ALJ for almost 5 years. Yes, the first two years were difficult, but I really enjoy the position, am in a good office, feel I am doing important and valuable work, and appreciate the time I have with family (so much less stressful than private practice). So, for me, over the long term, it has been worthwhile.
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Post by moopigsdad on Jul 24, 2013 13:38:12 GMT -5
I told my two teens that I would be leaving them for a few days in the middle of our short vacation to go to Washington and take tests for a potential job. They were immediately interested--of course, only in ways that affected them. One asked if I could move to the state where he wants to go to college so he can get instate tuition (I had previously told him I am not paying 40k for out of state). My daughter wanted to move somewhere "cool" possibly Seattle (like everyone else) because there is a ballet studio there she wants to study at. I'm fairly entrenched where I am and don't want to move. The idea of taking one room with a bed within a few hours from my local city (there are quite a few) and living across the street from the office during the week and going home weekends is sort of appealing. Less cleaning, no meals to prepare. Very simple. But I don't think the kids can get rid of me so easily. Very funny and informative aljhopeful2. I like the thought of escape in your answer.
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Post by bartleby on Jul 24, 2013 15:27:32 GMT -5
this not off topic as we were discussing it a while ago. Bartleby's latest venture into Form 278, 5th attempt this year, ended up with this response:
"I am in receipt of your supplemented OGE 278 Form. However, your spouse's interest in the XXXXXXXXX law office is still not reported on Schedule A. The law office has been reported as meeting the reporting threshold for 2012. Please add it to your report. Additionally, please list your position title as “Administrative Law Judge,” not “US Administrative Law Judge” to coincide with SSA’s position description."
Strange, I do believe we were appointed as US Administrative Law Judge, although my Badge says Federal Administrative Law Judge on it... Hmmmmmmm.
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Post by christina on Jul 24, 2013 15:32:51 GMT -5
aaah, bureaucracy :/
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Post by mcb on Jul 24, 2013 15:33:28 GMT -5
Additionally, please list your position title as “Administrative Law Judge,” not “ US Administrative Law Judge” to coincide with SSA’s position description." Strange, I do believe we were appointed as US Administrative Law Judge, although my Badge says Federal Administrative Law Judge on it... Hmmmmmmm. NOT, "US Administrative Law Judge"
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Post by christina on Jul 24, 2013 17:36:54 GMT -5
well i am a bit slow on a reply and this goes to original post. Very difficult decisions. there is no guarantee of a quick transfer to where u want to live so it could be a long separation from immediate family members. Much harder when the kids are at least late elementary through high school. I chose to wait til the kids were older due to this but that's a decision for each family to make. Assume it will take u three times longer to transfer than u expect and u will not get to ur first choice and make plans on how to best handle that scenario. U may get lucky but odds are ur transfer options will be somewhere between perfect and what I described so by planning for a bad case scenario, your family will have processed a lot of different options. if the kids are old enough to get involved in the conversations, get them involved. some may be more willing to move than u think. My oldest was dead set against moving for awhile so it was good to know that up front. Bartleby raised some great points. No matter where u end up, that office needs you to be committed to helping it while u are an ALJ there. and by doing so, u can establish yourself as a teamplayer, which never hurts. Most transfers are by union contract. also, as noted somewhere earlier, if you are willing to take on a head judge job(HOCALJ), that can open up some quicker opportunities to move depending on where a HOCALJ opening is.
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Post by lurker/dibs on Jul 24, 2013 18:35:47 GMT -5
Bartleby, thanks for the update. I have a sickening feeling I'll be in that same position if/when I become an ALJ. I printed out the form and have it to my father-in-law/CPA. I thought he'd like to get a jump on understanding that complicated thing!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2013 20:23:47 GMT -5
Bartleby, thanks for the update. I have a sickening feeling I'll be in that same position if/when I become an ALJ. I printed out the form and have it to my father-in-law/CPA. I thought he'd like to get a jump on understanding that complicated thing! I am an Ethics Counselor at my Agency. Try reviewing these forms. Folks that make life and death decisions and have multi million dollar budgets are reduced to Kindergarten kids. They do not know what they invest in, they cannot follow simple directions, I dread this time of the year. I have have to walk them step by step, its as if they become mentally disabled when it comes to the SF 278.
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Post by sandiferhands (old) on Jul 25, 2013 10:11:29 GMT -5
Jig, that's a tough one. Both are very important events. I couldn't imagine missing either. I'm glad mine is in September. Though my husband wants to travel up with me, so I will have to find a family member to come stay at home with the kiddos while we are gone. Lurker, I don't want to rain on your parade, but I would like to offer this perspective regarding your plans as outlined in your posts in this thread. You seem like a really nice lady, and obviously love your H and kids very much. However, you're on one end of a continuum of life experiences and I'm on the other, and would like to offer my experience to you. I have three kids, one out of college, one in college, and one about to start. Been there done that with all the elementary and high school activities, little league, dance recitals, etc. I was very much a "particpant" dad in all of these. I, too, have been in my own small firm practice for the past 22 years. I'm well familiar with the stresses you describe and agree 100% with your evaluation that the QoL in the ALJ job is attractive despite what you have to give up. As for moving far away for an ALJ job and planning to leave small children and your husband in his own law practice in another state, that is a very risky move. I don't think it is possible to "schedule" quality time with your children like you might a deposition. Quality happens spontaneously, sometimes when having fun, sometimes in conflict. It happens from daily events, while watching tv, while doing house or yard work, while simply walking past their room. In fact, some of the least "quality" time I recall with my kids was during "events": first day of school, recitals, little league games, etc. Your plan to be gone from them for much of their lives, and then come back into their lives and immediately have "quality" time will be frustrated by your high expectations, their inevitable failure to be in the mood to "quality" at that particular time, etc. "QT" can't be forced or rushed, or scheduled. I fear that in the meantime you will miss out on the daily life experiences they have that you can share with them from being there every day for them. Same goes for your husband. Not only will he miss and need you, but he will now have the full weight of the firm AND the kids on his shoulders. I know a few single parents (widows) and am filled with admiration for their ability to do as one person what is really a two-person job. I also sorrow for them at facing every-day life alone without that partner who is right there and can be called upon at a moment's notice. If your situation was financially desperate, I might say you have no choice, you have to accept the risk and move away for an ALJ job to feed your family. However, you're obviously not in those straits. My sense of it is that you are one of those who will accept an ALJ job almost anywhere then strive mightily to get a transfer back home. What if that doesn't pan out? What if it takes 2 years, or more? Will missing that all-important "day-to-day" with your H and kids be worth it? Please run the hypotheticals on this, and be sure before you take such a potentially disruptive step. I have the luxury of being older, and my kids all being grown and out of the house. If I take a position elsewhere it would still be very rough on my wife, and for that reason I might refuse an offer if it doesn't seem right. Knowing what I now know about my family life the past 18 years, there is no way I'd consider moving far away for an ALJ job if I was at that "young family" stage. I hope you take this in the helpful light it was intended. Only best wishes for you and your decision!
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Post by bartleby on Jul 25, 2013 10:27:11 GMT -5
Here's something to consider, your better half is in another state 600-700 miles away. It's 4:30 in the morning and your door bell is ringing. You throw on your robe and walk to the door. You open the door and three policemen inquire if you know where your teenage child is. Whatever is about to happen is hardly ever enjoyable and will probably require some immediate attention then and maybe over several days, weeks or months. That is not the time to be on your own, attempting to make the right decisions, and carry on without that special person to hang on to. Can't happen to you? Think again, life happens even with or without OPM and ODAR.
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Post by BagLady on Jul 25, 2013 10:31:28 GMT -5
Sand, an excellent post for any of the candidates who are considering moving away from a spouse and children. You simply cannot get these childhood years back. Your career will always be there, however.
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Post by lurker/dibs on Jul 25, 2013 10:32:16 GMT -5
Sand, thank you for the perspective. You have not stated anything that I have not thought about a million times. I think you are absolutely right in that these are times in my children's lives that I do not want to miss. However, in my present situation I seem to miss most of them anyway. The lure of having time with my children, along with an absolute passion for ss work, is precisely why I want this job.
At this point, I will weigh where I am sent with the difficulties of being away. My husband and I have decided that we will not give it more than a year with me bring separated before we reevaluate. Luckily there are 3 ODARs within a reasonable driving distance from our home, so the hope is that I can make it back to one of those fairly soon. If that doesn't happen, I can always come back to our firm with the knowledge that I tried the job.
I don't want to not take this job and wonder "what if" later. I don't want my children to grow up with every material item they want, but no opportunity to learn who I am. If I get this job I believe it would be ideal for me. I work very hard, I love working under pressure, I am knowledgeable of social security law, regs, etc, I love the medical aspects of the process, I also love my children and my family. I want to spend as much time with them that I can, especially while they are young. I would love to be able to schedule off work for spring break, school holidays, and other major events. Just being able to be at home by 5-6 every evening to have the "before bed" hours with them would be enough to make me happy.
I think I would happily sacrifice a year to be able to have the rest of their formative years with them. At least that is how I see things at this time. Maybe I will see things differently a year from now. As you said, financially, I have the luxury to choose what I want to do.
I appreciate everyone's perspective. I like to hear how others handle these choices. Please continue with the advice. I definitely use the advice and discuss these issues and suggestions with my husband. At this point it all may be a moot issue, but I like to be prepared.
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Post by Gaidin on Jul 25, 2013 10:37:37 GMT -5
Mrs. Gaidin and I have discussed this at length. We accept that there may be some time lapse between me moving and her joining me. But that lapse will be dictated by Number 1 son's school calendar. Depending on when they hire that could be as short as a few weeks while she quits her job or perhaps a good chunk of a school year. However, we will not be going into this hoping to win transfer roulette or with the idea that we can happily exist with a long separation. Everybody's situation is different but you never get those lost moments back and you will be amazed by what you miss.
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Post by sandiferhands (old) on Jul 25, 2013 10:40:41 GMT -5
As I expected, you have obviously thought this through very carefully and thoroughly. I hope we can raise a glass together one day!
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Post by sealaw90 on Jul 25, 2013 10:54:18 GMT -5
Bartleby, thanks for the update. I have a sickening feeling I'll be in that same position if/when I become an ALJ. I printed out the form and have it to my father-in-law/CPA. I thought he'd like to get a jump on understanding that complicated thing! I am an Ethics Counselor at my Agency. Try reviewing these forms. Folks that make life and death decisions and have multi million dollar budgets are reduced to Kindergarten kids. They do not know what they invest in, they cannot follow simple directions, I dread this time of the year. I have have to walk them step by step, its as if they become mentally disabled when it comes to the SF 278. OMG exjag - we must work for the same agency - DOD? I mainly deal with ODE 450's in my current job, but I remember reveiwing 278's in another agency and you are absolutely correct! Why folks want to obtain a six-figure government salary and then not know what happened to their investments over the last year just boggles my mind. It really isn't complicated a complicated form I promise all of you. A bureaucratic Pain In The A, yes). Please click on the Office of Government Ethics website here : U.S. Office of Government Ethics Public Financial Disclosure home page it will answer some of your questions.
Bartleby - LOL - maybe you should try "SSA Administrative law Judge" or are you perhaps a non- US ALJ? Canadian, heh? I assume you know where your money is invested, given your erudite comments these past few years. But where your spouse invests their money is anybody's guess...
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Post by lurker/dibs on Jul 25, 2013 10:55:59 GMT -5
At the present, my children are very young. One is 7 and one is 4. This is why I don't want to lose any time and why losing 1 year could be worth it. Maybe or maybe not. I guess we will see when the time comes. I have a job to come home to no matter what happens. The kids know what we have planned. The 7 year old has declared that he wants to come with me. Maybe we will do that, depending on where I am placed and the school system there. Maybe or maybe not. There are far more questions than answers at this point. And the likelihood that I even get a position is probably very remote anyway. I worry very much about my husband parenting my children while I am gone. He's the "fun" parent, while I'm the disciplinarian. I think it will be very difficult for him to handle the responsibilities of school, homework, dance lessons, piano lessons, soccer practice, etc. if I do get this job, we will hire some one to help keep the house clean and cook the evening meals, which should help--though not truly replacement for my role in the house. Again, so many questions with so few answers at this time. It is overwhelming. I'm very career minded. But my family is my top priority.
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Post by bartleby on Jul 25, 2013 11:02:18 GMT -5
The strangest damn thing, she kept her name as she is a lawyer. Now, the strange part, we have many bank accounts. She has convinced me that she can use all of our bank acounts, but I can only use mine, which contains only a pittance and enough for kitty food. Hmmmm. She also had me convinced for 20 years that she didn't know how to cook, but she could bake great. Strange I thought, but cooked so she and the child and I wouldn't starve. She slipped up last year and made scrambled eggs. These eggs were to die for. I think she knows how to cook, but still denies it... Dear Abby, Have I been made a fool of? I must confer with the kitties on this one..
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Post by sealaw90 on Jul 25, 2013 11:15:35 GMT -5
The strangest d**n thing, she kept her name as she is a lawyer. Now, the strange part, we have many bank accounts. She has convinced me that she can use all of our bank acounts, but I can only use mine, which contains only a pittance and enough for kitty food. Hmmmm. She also had me convinced for 20 years that she didn't know how to cook, but she could bake great. Strange I thought, but cooked so she and the child and I wouldn't starve. She slipped up last year and made scrambled eggs. These eggs were to die for. I think she knows how to cook, but still denies it... Dear Abby, Have I been made a fool of? I must confer with the kitties on this one.. Dear Bartleby, Didn't you know, this is how it is suppossed to be? It sounds like your spouse may clean the house, which for many lawyer-wives, they only do one thing - clean or cook, but not both. If they do the laundry and you don't, that can trump everything. You are only a fool if you think you got the short end of the stick. She sounds like a winner to me. Love, Abby
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Post by moopigsdad on Jul 25, 2013 11:19:41 GMT -5
The strangest d**n thing, she kept her name as she is a lawyer. Now, the strange part, we have many bank accounts. She has convinced me that she can use all of our bank acounts, but I can only use mine, which contains only a pittance and enough for kitty food. Hmmmm. She also had me convinced for 20 years that she didn't know how to cook, but she could bake great. Strange I thought, but cooked so she and the child and I wouldn't starve. She slipped up last year and made scrambled eggs. These eggs were to die for. I think she knows how to cook, but still denies it... Dear Abby, Have I been made a fool of? I must confer with the kitties on this one.. "Ah Bartleby! Ah humanity!" Such is the life of an ALJ scrivener. Perhaps, the next time you wife asks you to cook a meal you should state: "I would prefer not to" and let her do the cooking.
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Post by BagLady on Jul 25, 2013 11:25:41 GMT -5
Perhaps, the next time you wife asks you to cook a meal you should state: "I would prefer not to" and let her do the cooking. Oh, that's not the way it works . . . being a wise woman, she'll order in!
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