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Post by northwest on Apr 28, 2009 18:17:13 GMT -5
By the Court Clerk: Please repeat after me, "I swear by Almighty God ..."
By the Witness: I swear by Almighty God.
Clerk: That the evidence that I give ...
Witness: That's right.
Clerk: Repeat it.
Witness: Repeat it.
Clerk: No! Repeat what I said.
Witness: What you said when?
Clerk: That the evidence that I give ...
Witness: That the evidence that I give.
Clerk: Shall be the truth and ...
Witness: It will, and nothing but the truth!
Clerk: Please. Just repeat after me, "Shall be the truth and ..."
Witness: I'm not a scholar, you know.
Clerk: We can appreciate that. Just repeat after me, "Shall be the truth and ..."
Witness: Shall be the truth and.
Clerk: Say, "Nothing ..."
Witness: Okay. [Witness remains silent]
Clerk: No! Don't say nothing. Say, "Nothing but the truth ..."
Witness: Yes.
Clerk: Can't you say, "Nothing but the truth ...?"
Witness: Yes.
Clerk: Well? ... Do so.
Witness: You're confusing me.
Clerk: Just say, "Nothing but the truth ..."
Witness: Is that all?
Clerk: Yes.
Witness: Okay. I understand.
Clerk: Then say it.
Witness: What?
Clerk: "Nothing but the truth ..."
Witness: But I do! That's just it.
Clerk: You must say, "Nothing but the truth ..."
Witness: I will say nothing but the truth!
Clerk: Please, just repeat these four words "Nothing," "But," "The" "Truth."
Witness: What? You mean, like, now?
Clerk: Yes! Now. Please. Just say those four words.
Witness: "Nothing. But. The. Truth"
Clerk: Thank you.
Witness: I'm just not a scholar you know.
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Post by hopefulj on Apr 28, 2009 20:18:03 GMT -5
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Post by jagghagg on May 6, 2009 9:43:27 GMT -5
Deteriorata Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof. Avoid quiet and placid people, unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate your tires. Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself, and heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys. Know what to kiss, and when. Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do. Whenever possible, put people on hold. Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment, and and despite the changing fortunes of time, there is always a big future in computer mainteinance. Remember the Pueblo. Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle and mutilate. Know yourself; if you need help, call the FBI. Exercise caution in your daily affairs, especially with those persons closest to you- that lemon on your left, for instance. Be assured that a walk throught the ocean of most souls would scarecely get your feet wet. Fall not in love therefore; it will stick to your face. Gracefully surrender the things of youth-birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan-and let not the sands of time get in your lunch. Hire people with hooks. For a good time, call 606-4311... ask for Candy. Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough cheese; and reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Milwaukee. You are a fluke of the universe; you have no right to be here, and whether you can hear it or not, the Universe is laughing behind your back. Therefore, make peace with your God, whatever you may percieve Him to be: hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin. With all its hopes, dreams, promises and urban renewal, the world continues to deteriorate. Give up. (National Lamp**n) |
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Post by morgullord on May 6, 2009 12:07:28 GMT -5
And remember that the purpose of your life may be to serve as a warning to others...
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Post by semipa on May 6, 2009 17:41:58 GMT -5
Tripper: And even if we win, if we win, HAH! Even if we win! Even if we play so far above our heads that our noses bleed for a week to ten days; even if God in Heaven above comes down and points his hand at our side of the field; even if every man woman and child held hands together and prayed for us to win, it just wouldn't matter because all the really good looking girls would still go out with the guys from Mohawk because they've got all the money! It just doesn't matter if we win or we lose. IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER!
Rest of group: IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER...
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Post by nonamouse on May 7, 2009 17:13:17 GMT -5
Use the power of positive thinking and start digging out your financial docs in order to fill out the disclosure form that will be required annually for the rest of your career if you are one of the chosen. It needs to be done shortly after you are hired, so to quote Larry the Cable Guy, "gitter done" before you head off to training or you might find yourself missing a needed document.
See my instructions and a link to the SF-278 in part 2 of FAQ on this board. Happy filing!
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Post by okeydokey on May 7, 2009 17:20:36 GMT -5
Actually, I am impressed that this is even an issue for someone. After the market crash, I don't think I have anything to report...
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Post by privateatty on May 8, 2009 9:17:27 GMT -5
Limericks
There once was a Cee-Jay named Cristaudo
His name was mis-pronounced like tomato
He chose ALJs because they were liked
By teams of other Judges who were psyched
By all this power—and feelin’ like Geraldo!
There once was a clerk at the Palace
Who never knew any feelings of malice
However she lost a candidate’s name
And never told---she was never the same
And went on to open a restaurant named Alice
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2009 10:14:42 GMT -5
My suggestion for dealing with 'waiting on the call anxiety disorder'.
Take some time to watch this. Well worth the eight minutes. You forgot how good rock and roll could be. Everything is possible and everything will be...all right.
R
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Post by morgullord on May 8, 2009 14:49:33 GMT -5
I heard a judge complaining this morning that, because of IVT hearings, he no longer travels like he used to but now as to sit in a hearing room all day long.
In his honor, I have written this song called "ODAR Prison Blues". The tune is well-known.
I hear that claimant comin’, coming through the door;
Today I done six hearings, and I still got seven more;
Cause I’m stuck in ODAR prison, yeah this here hearing room;
And with every brand new hearing, I get deeper gloom.
I remember all them road trips, to Miami and L.A;
Traveling there for two weeks, or maybe just a day.
But now the TV cameras, they keep me sittin’ here.
No more putt-putt golf at lunch-time, just workin’ on right here.
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Post by morgullord on May 8, 2009 20:59:02 GMT -5
Actually, the above song is dedicated to Witz, who has turned out to be one mighty fine ALJ.
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Post by northwest on May 24, 2009 10:04:12 GMT -5
Croatia is fantastic!! ;D Finished the one week sailboat/bicycle trip and we're now staying on a small island. Shimmery turqoise waters and hot sunny days. This is the ideal place for the big wait.  If there's an offer the hardest thing will be the limited vacation time as a new federal empoyee.  |
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Post by Legal Beagle on May 24, 2009 11:36:44 GMT -5
Gret NW - glad you checked in with us. Wish we were there!! Safe travels!
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Post by duncan7 on May 28, 2009 7:12:07 GMT -5
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Post by Legal Beagle on May 28, 2009 8:11:34 GMT -5
Great article!
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Post by lawandorder on May 28, 2009 9:12:29 GMT -5
Good article and drove my attention away for a few minutes.
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Post by ohaer on May 28, 2009 10:01:01 GMT -5
Well said, Morgulord. Well said. You are a poet and you know it. Your feet show it. You've got Edgar Allen toes.
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Post by wallace on May 28, 2009 17:04:11 GMT -5
100 Best Movie Lines?
Discuss.
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Post by privateatty on May 28, 2009 17:31:45 GMT -5
100 Best Movie Lines? Discuss. Nothing can compare to Hannibal Lector. ;D Talk about putting your money where your mouth is. He shoulda quit medical school and gone straight to law school. |
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Post by Propmaster on May 28, 2009 17:37:36 GMT -5
"Conan, What is best in life?"
"To crush your enemies; to see them driven before you; and to hear the lamentations of the women."
-- Conan the Barbarian
(actually said by, I believe, Ghengis Khan)
Trivia answer: The movie was written by John Millius (the director) and . . . . . . Oliver Stone (THE Oliver Stone). Oliver Stone is credited with downplaying the magical components that were previously in the script.
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If there's an offer the hardest thing will be the limited vacation time as a new federal empoyee. 
